We're sorry, but there is a problem with your birth certificate...

July 16, 2012

About 3 weeks into the wait for my passport, (4-6 weeks processing time), I came home to a letter from the passport-processing-people stating that my birth certificate couldn't be used because it did not have my parents listed on it.  When I ordered a copy of my birth certificate 3 years ago, that is what was sent to me. I used it to get a special driver's licence--special, because it cost $45 instead of the usual $25 and would allow me to travel to Mexico, Canada, and the islands of the Carribbean without a passport. No one questioned the birth certificate at that time. But that was not good enough for the federal government.

Of course the bad news letter arrived on a Friday...afternoon...late afternoon, when it was too late to call anyone. Rather than wait until Monday to try to get questions answered, I followed the directions on the letter to go to the CDC website to get information on how to order a birth certificate, clicked on the link to the state where I was born, and Great News! :  I discovered that I could not only order the birth certificate on line, but I could pay extra to get an expedited copy within 15 days. Well, I thought that 15 days was not so bad. I had allowed plenty of time before my travel date when I ordered the passport, so a short two week interruption shouldn't be a problem.  I paid the $38 fee and relaxed knowing that my birth certificate would be here in no time.

Well, if I had been born in any of the other 49 states in the Union, there would not have been a problem. I received an email a few days later stating that the state where I was born, had recently changed their laws about birth certificates and were updating their computer systems and because of this, processing times were "taking longer than normal."  Longer than normal being 4-6 weeks. The good news was that I would still get my birth certificate earlier than the poor suckers who did not request and pay $38 for an expedited certificate; they had to wait 6-12 weeks. As a courtesy, the email included a link to follow which order dates were being processed. It was supposed to be updated daily, but I probably do not need to tell you, that it was not. Sometimes 2, 3 or 4 days would pass and I would click, click, click off and on all day to see the same date. The worse part was getting down to the last couple of days prior to my order date. "Come on, people, surprise me and get a few days done today!" But, slowly, ever-so-slowly, the state would painstakingly complete...one...day's...... orders........at........a.................time.

It had been almost 5 weeks, but the link was still showing that my $38 expedited birth certificate was still being processed. So imagine my surprise when I came home from work one day to find that UPS had attempted to deliver my $38 expedited birth certificate earlier in the day, but no one was home.  I found the "delievery attempt" notice when I arrived home from work...on a Friday, late in the afternoon. More waiting: UPS is not open on the weekends, expedited packages or not! I did however, go online to the UPS website and requested to pick up the envelope with my $38 expedited birth certificate myself. I was not allowing any more opportunities for missed deliveries!

The following Monday, I drove to the closest UPS center, picked up my $38 expedited birth certificate and immediately mailed it via certified mail ($5.75) to the passport processing center. I requested a signed acknowledgement that it was delivered.

Two more weeks passed, and with less than 2 weeks to go before my departure date, my passport finally arrived!  It had cost $194.75 from start to finish--over $200 if you count the gasoline used to drive to UPS and the post office.  I anxiously tore open the envelope and...

The first thing I did was open it to admire that lovely turtle-like photo of myself!

The world's costliest passport:   $194.75!!!!