Polite Manners

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

My four weeks in Costa Rica are coming to an end on Saturday. I have learned a lot of Spanish and a lot about the people of Costa Rica. What follows is a social primer of comportamiento en publico (proper public behavior):

1) Conversation starts with a pleasant greeting such as buenos dias (Good Morning),  or buenas tardes (Good Afternoon). I've noticed that many people have shortened their greeting to just saying buenas. Don't forget to greet the storekeepers, bus driver, and so forth. However, it is not a good idea to do this with random people on the streets. Remember to inquire about a person's well-being, Como esta?  A common reply is Todo bien (All is well). Some people add Gracias a Dios (Thanks to God). Another common and distinctly Costa Rican reply is Pura Vida.

2)  Women and men greet other women with a quick kiss on the cheek. I haven't noticed any men kissing other men; they do shake hands, though.

3) Older persons are addressed as Don + first name for a man and Dona + first name for a woman. I have also noticed that many people use the usted form of their verbs more than vos, even with their family members. This is the more formal and polite form of "you."

4) Table manners start by saying Buen provecho, (bon appetit) and end with con permiso (excuse me) as you leave the table. One time during dinner, a fly was buzzing around the table, and Mayra, the mother in the house where I am staying, calmly mentioned that there was someone who wasn't invited at the table and calmly asked her daughter to take care of it. I wish I could quote her exact words. They were so charming yet humorous and very polite.

5) If you don't want to do something, the polite way to get out of it is to make up an excuse. The custom is not to say directly when you don't want to do something. They do not want to hurt another person's feelings. So, saying that something is cooking on the stove will get you off the phone. A death in the family will get you out of homework or a job. If someone objectionable sits beside you on the bus, you explain that you must get up because your bus stop is coming up. Always tell the person a logical reason, don't just get up and move. That would be rude.

The following are no-nos:

5) Do not blow your nose in public. If you need to wipe a drip, that is ok, but do not "honk" ever!

6) Don't inquire about a person's salary...that is rude even in the U.S.

7) It is rude to chew gum while talking with someone.

8) It is rude to ask someone about their religious preferences.

9) Bullying and yelling to get your way does not work; a smile and a friendly greeting will.

10) Don't just pop in on people, even if they are your friend. Let people know you are coming for a visit.


Finally, smile! A smile is the international good will gesture and helps to cover any mistakes you make.